Mystic powers or just coincidence?

I've been reading Stewart Lee's book How I Escaped My Certain Fate.

From previous experience of blogging about comics, I want to be careful not to upset anyone by making my opinion look like it's a declaration of fact, thereby implying that anyone who disagrees with me must be somewhat lacking in intelligence.

So I won't say it's a great book. I'll just say it's very much to my taste and I personally derived a great amount of enjoyment from reading it. Other tastes may vary.

Buy a copy. Read it. If you enjoy it then you can be reasonably confident that you have similar taste to me when it comes to books written by comedians.

But that's not what I want to write about.

On pages 277-8, he mentions a folk singer called Sally Barker. At the time I was reading it, she was a finalist on the BBC1 programme The Voice.

Personally (here we go again), I found her singing was very much to my taste. But I liked Jermain Jackman (who eventually won) too. And the other finalists. It was a happy programme to watch - thinking that all of the finalists were excellent singers, they all appeared to be great people and that, therefore, an excellent singer who was a great person was bound to win.

Some days later, I watched an episode of Lilyhammer.  It stars Steve Van Zandt, guitarist with the E-Street Band and actor. That very night, I reached page 316 of Stewart's book, in which he mentions Steve Van Zandt.

But what does it all mean?

(a) nothing - it's just a coincidence

(b) Stewart (or, perhaps, a spirit residing in his book) has mystic powers and I should open the book at random in order to receive guidance at any point in my life. (This will be tricky since it's a library book and, if the spirit only resides in this copy, then in another week I will have to make my way without guidance since I can't keep renewing it indefinitely.)

Why not vote? Send me a message with 'a' or 'b'.

Before you rush to vote 'a', consider this: faiths have been established on flimsier premises. But none that I'm brave enough to name.

And before you rush to vote 'b', consider that fact that I just randomly turned to page 122 and couldn't fathom how any of it could help me with my day. Perhaps I just need someone more spiritual to help me interpret.

Tell Andrew the position has been filled

...at least I think that's his name. He's Uncle Albert's dog - you remember, the guy who's floating around, bumping into the ceiling and laughing.

Much as I hate to turn away readers, the wonderful Mark Kermode implies that I should do just that to anyone who doesn't pick up the reference. Here's why:

So this is what should happen. If you advertise a job or run a competition or one of those other things where a small number of people get something they really wanted while a large number of people leave with nothing - then tell everyone when the position has been filled.

There's a growing trend in recruitment to (a) not give a start date, (b) not give a closing date for applications, (c) not give a date for interviews and (d) not give a damn about anyone who might be waiting to find out whether they've got through or not. The months roll by. Is the process taking ages or has the lucky new employee already met everyone and started working on something really interesting?

I'm not saying give everyone feedback in minute detail. Just make a list of all the email addresses and tell them all when the position has been filled. Or when the competition has a winner. Even if you think they're as insignificant as a dog.

Do HR departments want everyone phoning up to ask? I'm sure that would take longer.

That's not exactly relevant

I recently entered (yet another) short story competition. Did you know I'd written two books of short stories? (They All Die At The End and Everything Turns Out Just Fine). Well, the short story didn't come from either of them.

I wasn't short-listed. But what was interesting (to me) was that I'd actually forgotten about it for ages. When I finally bothered to look it up, I found out the short-listing and the champion-crowning had happened long ago.

Wouldn't it have been nice if they'd sent an email to all entrants to tell them that the winners had been announced?

Sour grapes alert

I read the winning entry. And the two runners-up. And I didn't rate any of them. I'm not saying they're rubbish. Of course I'm not saying that. I'm saying that they're not to my taste. They're not for me. I disagree with the conclusions but I do so with respect for the opinions and tastes of others.

However, it showed me that the short stories I write are not the short stories that these "short story experts" rate. I neither want to write nor read stories written in that style.

So if you think you don't like short stories, maybe you should read mine because I don't like what's conventionally thought to be well-executed short stories either.

I eagerly await the avalanche of sales.

Don't forget you can order signed paperbacks from my website.

http://theyalldieattheend.wordpress.com/buy-the-book/
http://everythingturnsoutjustfine.wordpress.com/buy-the-book/
http://www.petertarnofsky.co.uk

Shocking

Sorry. I don't normally use this blog for blatant self-promotion. Normal service will be resumed the next time I think of something to write about. I often comment on the news but I find today's news really depressing so I'm taking refuge in fiction.

Really

I've decided to always put the word really in italics because if an adjective has earned the modifier really then it probably should be stressed. Feel free to argue the point since it is, by far, the most trivial point mentioned here.

P.S.

If I don't get at least a few hundred hits on my website and at least, literally, one or two sales from this article then there's no justice in the world.

Wait... what? There isn't?