Look at this! It's extraordinary and, er, great and, well, something else

Look at me! Look at me! Look at my work! Derive entertainment, damn you!

It's difficult to get attention. You knew that already. I need to come up with something better or you'll go away.

Some of you didn't even get this far.

How about insults? I could be unnecessarily rude about someone famous in the hope of grabbing some attention.

I sorta tried that except (1) it wasn't unnecessarily rude and (2) it didn't get much attention and (3) I didn't gain from it spiritually, morally or financially.

More positive approach

I've been writing thoughts inspired by the news recently and some people are definitely clicking on them.

I don't know if people are reading them. Are you?

No one is commenting (even when I suggest easy comments they could make) or emailing me with thoughts. (Or buying my books but that's a whole other thing.)

I'm not writing anything that might make anyone cross or litigious. Mostly because I don't feel that way. But yes, there's a little bit of fear of consequences thrown in. There's all sorts of scary stuff in the news (especially outside the UK) and even my reasonable, liberal, live-and-let-live views would probably wind someone up. I wouldn't want that. They might be mean.

I'd insult the British government but where's the sport in booting something into their open goal?

So how do I get attention? How do I expand my readership?

Who are you and why are you reading this now? How many people do you know who might read it too? TELL THEM! OR TELL ME!

Give me comments after the article. Tell me there's someone there.

Or I'll start randomly criticising semi-famous people again.


P.S.

Since writing the above, I was unnecessarily rude to an abstract concept! I successfully teased a playful rejoinder from a real celebrity - yes, I got my name into a whole tweet from Gareth Malone OBE.

With any luck, that won't be the only such tale I'll be telling my grandchildren if and when they bother to turn up. Here is the exchange in all its glory:

Weekend Kitchen ‏@WkndKitchen  This weekend on #weekendkitchen @SteveJones & @Lisa_Snowdon will be joined by @GarethMalone @Palomafaith  & chef @AngelaHartnett

Peter Tarnofsky ‏@PeterTarnofsky @WkndKitchen @GarethMalone @SteveJones @Lisa_Snowdon @Palomafaith @AngelaHartnett Singing guests outnumber cooking guests. Need new title.

Gareth Malone OBE ‏@GarethMalone @PeterTarnofsky @WkndKitchen @SteveJones @Lisa_Snowdon @Palomafaith @AngelaHartnett Yes but I'm a demon with a garlic press.

Peter Tarnofsky ‏@PeterTarnofsky  @GarethMalone @WkndKitchen @SteveJones @Lisa_Snowdon @Palomafaith @AngelaHartnett Tell us something we couldn't have guessed.

...and there,sadly, the wit and repartee ended. If a late reply turns up I will, of course, add it to this blog post.